Writing Challenge #5

May 2, 2009 at 5:06 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 5 Comments
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Sorry again for the lack of updates – I’ve had to go on a break and I haven’t been able to play the Sims recently due to real life – but an addict is an addict and I’ll be back to playing it again within the month 🙂

Anyway, I spent a bit of my free time with the writing challenge, which I’m still sharing with whoever may want to read and critique …

Challenge 5

Take 5 minutes to choose either Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella or Rapunzel, depending on which story you know/like the most. You must rewrite a chosen scene from these stories in a particular genre.

If you chose Snow White, you are writing a comedy.

If you chose Sleeping Beauty you are writing a murder mystery.

If you chose Cinderella you are writing a science fiction/futuristic fantasy.

If you chose Rapunzel, you are writing a horror.

Guidelines.

– You may chose whichever scene you like/know the most from your story.
– You have 20 minutes for this challenge, and you should write for at least 15 of those. Either time yourself with an alarm or phone, or use the useful link by FurryPanda on page 1.
– You must have a minumum of 500 words, although you shouldn’t go over 1000.
– Copy and paste straight onto this thread. Do not edit or rewrite your piece. Spelling, grammar and punctuation can be revised but without a dictionary and such.


(605 words in 20 minutes)
I picked “Cinderella” re-written as a scifi/ futuristic fantasy 🙂 I wish I had more time – I had a great idea for how the Prince would search for Cinderella in scene 3 – but oh well. I really suck with time management.

——————————————————————

“Stop dragging me!” hissed Cinderella. “What are we doing in this musty old laboratory anyway?”

“Because I’m your fairy god-mother, silly.” Marraine sat down and started typing on the old keyboard. “Now, do you or don’t you want to attend the Virtual Ball?”

“What are you talking about? You know I can’t afford to pay for admission.” Cinderella wrapped her arms around her body. “It’s cold here. Come on, let’s go back to the dome. My stepmother will kill me if she finds out I’m not yet done tending to the hydroponics garden!”

“Oh, shush. You’ve been stuck forever in that garden – who ever heard of cinders being used as fertilizer anyway?” Marraine continued typing on the keyboard and finally gave a satisfied whoop. “I knew I could do it! I’ve hacked in the system – so guess who gets to attend the Virtual Ball afterall?”

Cinderella’s eyes were round as saucers. “Marraine, you didn’t! They’ll find out you hacked in the system!”

But in Cinderella’s heart, hope bloomed. The Virtual Ball had been the talk of all the single girls for the past few months – sure they were physically stuck in Jupiter’s fourth moon – but for the cost of 500 galacticans, the magic of Virtual Reality would allow young people from Earth, Mars and even from the far away colony on Pluto to meet and mingle and dance and enjoy themselves for one night. And it had been whispered that for this Virtual Ball, the handsome young prince from the net show “Prince Charming” would be in attendance. Cinderella had a big crush on him and had secretly downloaded a hologram of the prince for a small fortune. Now, thanks to Marraine, she’d have a chance to meet him!

“Okay, lie down and put on the suit and goggles.” Marraine ordered. “Hurry! Now remember, I can only guarantee that you’ll be in the system until midnight. Remember, Cinderalla, you’ll be logged out before midnight, okay?”

Cinderella gave her friend a quick hug. “Thank you, thank you, thank you — I’ll remember ….”

————————————————————————————————-

The Virtual Ball was magnificent. It was a dream come true for Cinderella and she could hardly contain her excitement. She’d caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and had gasped. Marraine always did have great fashion sense and had clothed her friend with the very latest. Hundreds of beautiful young people mingled around the room and Cinderella was one among them.

“May I have this dance?” Cinderella whirled around and almost choked. Her Prince Charming was looking down at her and had his hand out. OMG!!! OMG!!! OMG!!! She swallowed and chanced a look around her – not a good move, she could see all the other girls glaring back at her.

“Please – may I have this dance?” he asked again and smiled. And so Cinderella stepped into his arms and promptly forgot about the rest of the universe.

There was an old film that Cinderella had once seen where the heroine had sang “I could have danced all night …” And that was true. But they had also talked. And laughed. And joked. And for the first time in her life, Cinderella felt like a princess and not a lowly hydroponics garden worker.

And then, suddenly the clock struck midnight …

Oh no! Cinderella leapt up and — “I’m sorry, I have to go …”

“What?”

“I have to go …”

The interface had begun to turn into static and Cinderella could barely make out her Prince Charming’s face as he whispered “At least give me your twitter name …”

But she had already logged out.


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5 Comments »

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  1. For what is a first draft, this is entertaining and engaging. It’s easy to get into. I say finish it! You couldn’t have too many parts more, right? I wanna see how the prince plans on finding Cinderella.

    The only problem I see is setting up why she has to leave at midnight. In the original story, she has to be anonymous and she has to leave before the magic wears off. But in this story, since you’re dealing with futuristic stuff, it can get tricky. Is Marraine really a fairy godmother? She seems like she’s just a friend, but if they’re paying the fee then how are they keeping Cinderella anon? What if Marraine were a hacker who hacks Cinderella into the virtual ball, but can only keep her there until midnight before security traces the signal and finds out who they are.

    • Oh thanks so much – your comments always make me feel good 🙂

      Well, I thought I had a great idea for the prince when I was writing it – now, my inner editor hates it – ha ha – I’ve got a terrible inner editor …

      Yeah, I wasn’t so faithful to the original story – I haven’t really read it since forever and I was just winging it – so yeah, Marraine kinda just acts like the fairy god-mother. Cinderella kept her anonymity in the ball since Marraine just got her in through a back door, and you’re right, Marraine set that deadline since she was afraid of security finding out (I figured that most server check-ups occur every couple of hours or so).

  2. I agree with Lunar Fox. Finish it! What a great twist on this tired story! Something like this would be an awesome NaNoWiMo story, if you do that.

    • Oh, thanks for saying that – ha ha … Hmmm- that NoNoWriMo is a good idea …

      I discarded my earlier idea for the prince – On thinking it over, it was corny – but for the heck of it, I wrote a little continuation that gives a little idea on how the prince would find Cinderella … if my inner editor allows me to write anymore, I’ll continue it some more … ha ha

      Anyway …. Here’s the next scene — I’m kinda going off-off tangent from the original story now …

      ——————————————————————————————————————————————

      Cinderella sat up and pulled the VR goggles off. She could hear Marraine typing away furiously on the keyboard and cursing softly.

      “You had to cut it fine, didn’t you? I said ‘before midnight?'” Marraine scowled at her.

      “Sorry, I forgot – the prince – what’s happening?”

      “Server security …” Marraine bent back to the computer. “They’re trying to trace my signal … they found the backdoor I used …”

      “Oh, I’m so sorry … ” Cinderella ran to her friend and stood helplessly at her side. “Can you hide our IP address? We are in so much trouble!”

      “Well, yeah – I hope that you at least got hot and heavy with your prince …” Marraine grinned and winked at her. “Relax, I know how to cover my tracks.”

      Suddenly, the lights flickered – Marraine didn’t notice as she had returned to concentrating on the computer screen – but Cinderella heard a ‘click – click – click’ – and her heart constricted when she discovered the sound was coming from the electronic lock on the door.

      “Marraine -” Cinderella grabbed her friend’s hand. “We have to get out now!”

      “What? I’m almost done, I need to erase …”

      “Now!”

      Cinderella dragged Marraine with her and half-running managed to escape from the room before the lock engaged.

  3. More please 🙂


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